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Our Family: Addiction and Mental Illness


For my first blog post, I'd like to open up about the trials our family has had over the past few years. I hope it will spark conversation as well as provide information and hope for people who have experienced similar hardships.

Ill start at the beginning.

May 16th, 2012 I met a man running on the waterfront in downtown Portland. 11 months later we walked down the isle starting our life together. Our daughter was born 3 months after our first anniversary and we were absolutely entranced by our baby girl. Neither of us expected there were forces at work that would shake our family so hard we would barely be left standing. My husband, Michael, grew up in a chaotic environment surrounded by drugs, promiscuity, and crime. I was raised in a pastors home and began rebelling when I went away to college like so many kids with Christian upbringing do. Both my husband and I had pasts we struggled with and wounds that we had forgotten were there. When we were expecting our daughter, Lydia, Michael relapsed. I was both oblivious to the extent of his addiction and was in denial with the little I was aware of. Once Lydia was born Michael's temper became increasingly heightened. He was distracted, lethargic, sneaky, uninterested, and easily provoked. When Lydia was 6 months old Michael lost his job and I went back to work starting a small cleaning company. I felt there was more going on than just his addiction. We made our way to an emergency mental health center. Michael was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and placed on an anti-psychotic but continued to use alcohol, marijuana, and opiates. Eventually he got into an opiate maintenance program and was placed on Suboxone, but wasn't ready to give up the other substances and hadn't accepted his mental illness diagnosis. He began attending counseling and was referred to intensive outpatient treatment. More diagnosis followed; ADHD, PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Our marriage was strained and our daughter was definitely aware of the tension. April 2017 Michael made the best and hardest decision he's made since I've known him. He became sober. He still was suffering from PAWS (Post Acute WIthdrawal Syndrome from Suboxone) and his mental illness. Shortly after our daughters 3rd birthday, Michael admitted himself into Unity Center for Behavioral Health. After a week of psychosis and manic episodes and visiting the hospital everyday, they finally accepted him, holding him for a week and a day. When he was released, I didn't know what to expect. I walked around on eggshells for a few weeks not wanting to trigger a relapse of psychosis or substances. He was showing stability and for the first time in years, I was actually able to talk WITH my husband and knew he was listening. I still live in fear that the man I lived with will come back. I also know the God I serve is the ultimate healer. I have to trust that He holds Michael in the palm of His hand and that He is the one who called Michael back and has given him the strength to remain sober. Mental illness and addiction run in both of our families but it is no coincidence that we ran into each other five years ago. Now we hope our story encourages others to seek help and look at addiction and mental illness without stigma.


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